Dumbest thing you've ever heard someone say about synths

[code green]

Have I mentioned the guitar player who swore that my Korg DDD-1 could not keep a steady beat?

We were recording with it and he got off-beat several times and then blamed the drum machine. He said it slows down and speeds up at random.

I know what he means though, a lot of the time when I'm playing to a click I want to speed up and slow down certain bits, just by a tiny amount, so the feel of the track is better. It'd be great if there was a drum machine that knew when it should push the beat a little bit like a good drummer does.

foot pedal to bpm?

[Stab Frenzy]

I think it would work pretty well is it was just a sustain pedal that when you stepped on it it'd ramp up the bpm in a natural way, but if you had an expression pedal hooked up to bpm it'd be really hard to get it exactly right at a crucial time like that. I don't know of any drum machines that do this either.

[Cumulus]

Have I mentioned the guitar player who swore that my Korg DDD-1 could not keep a steady beat?

We were recording with it and he got off-beat several times and then blamed the drum machine. He said it slows down and speeds up at random.

I know what he means though, a lot of the time when I'm playing to a click I want to speed up and slow down certain bits, just by a tiny amount, so the feel of the track is better. It'd be great if there was a drum machine that knew when it should push the beat a little bit like a good drummer does.

Not in this case. He swore that the machien was slowing down and/or speeding up.

I asked him if I should alter the tempo of the thing at some point and he said no, he just wanted a rock-steady beat and the stupid drum machien wasn't able to provide it.

Now, I can see the value of having a machine that would do that. In fact, I have always wanted to try to make a sensor that would alter the beat like a tap tempo feature. I would put this sensor in a foot pedal or on a drum set if there is a live drummer.

[mharris80]

Not sure if this counts, but: Myself, after picking up Candyass by Orgy. "Why don't they list the keyboard player in the liner notes?" Obviously, I had no idea what a guitar synth was at the time.

[BlackGnosis]

Co-worker: So what you do for hobbies?
Me: I make music. Sometimes play D&D.
Co-worker: Oh really? like what you play?
Me:guitar off and on, but mostly synthesizers now.
Co-worker: So you don't play any real instruments other then guitar?

Same conversation some time later....after talking a bit about git-tawrz

Me: I enjoy using synthesizers too.
Co-worker: What do they synthesize?
Me: Sounds.
Another Co-worker: Whats a syn'sizer do agee-in?
Me: It makes sounds when you press keys.
Co-worker: Why not call it a piano?


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF


"ah' hayt teksusTay-hawss."

[BlackGnosis]

Have I mentioned the guitar player who swore that my Korg DDD-1 could not keep a steady beat?

We were recording with it and he got off-beat several times and then blamed the drum machine. He said it slows down and speeds up at random.

I know what he means though, a lot of the time when I'm playing to a click I want to speed up and slow down certain bits, just by a tiny amount, so the feel of the track is better. It'd be great if there was a drum machine that knew when it should push the beat a little bit like a good drummer does.

Not in this case. He swore that the machien was slowing down and/or speeding up.

I asked him if I should alter the tempo of the thing at some point and he said no, he just wanted a rock-steady beat and the stupid drum machien wasn't able to provide it.

Now, I can see the value of having a machine that would do that. In fact, I have always wanted to try to make a sensor that would alter the beat like a tap tempo feature. I would put this sensor in a foot pedal or on a drum set if there is a live drummer.

Lol like the mk's unalterable swing timer XD.

[masyst]

I met a guy before christmas who was playing Jarre's Oxygene 4 on a piano. So I asked him about it and it turned out that he used to play synthesizer.
Me: So what synths do you use?
He: Mostly softsynths...
Me: Oh, I prefer hardware synths, I believe they simply sounds better of some reason. Especially analog synths.
He: I have one analog synth too, an original Juno.
Me: what model?
He: It's a Juno-D, it can do some great Vox-pianos that sounds better than any software...

I told him it weren't analog, but it didn't seemed like it reached his brain, cause he continued talking about his analog Juno-D.
Maybe it's a limited edition Juno-D that nobody else have heard about

[organsymphony]

someone (very talented pianist and saxophonist) trying to play a chord on a moog prodigy.

me: "uggh.... it doesnt play chords.."
T: "what?! whats the point in that?!"
me: "don't you play saxophone... thats monophonic"
T: "thats different"
me: "how?!"

so on so on

+1 on the "but you've allready got a keybaord, don't they all do the same thing?"

[zukskywalker]

Heh, heh, heh.....
From the bass player: "I bet your keyboard can't hit a lower note than my bass"
Heh, heh, heh....
My "synth" at the time was a Hammond console. Destroyed that notion with one single drawbar.

[Automatic Gainsay]

Co-worker: What do they synthesize?

Your answer to this should have been "Do you know what 'synthesize' means?"

[Mr Knesh]

Heh, heh, heh.....
From the bass player: "I bet your keyboard can't hit a lower note than my bass"
Heh, heh, heh....
My "synth" at the time was a Hammond console. Destroyed that notion with one single drawbar.

You should have showed him the brown note!

[Primal Drive]

I have a relative that NEVER SHUTS THE f**k UP. Seriously, I've never heard so much BS come out of a single person's mouth other than this guy. And on top of it all he swears that everything he says is 100% true.

Anyway, last week at a "friendly" poker game he started telling everybody about, "What a great keyboard player I am," and "Did you know my cousin (me) has been playing synthesizers since he was 2 years old?" Then he did something I hate even more than his non stop jabbering. He started nudging me and telling me to back him up.

So I did. I told everyone "He's right. I've been playing since I was two. The first synthesizer I owned was an old Roland Jupiter 2, which was made around 1956. It came with an extensive mod function that could be set to rocker (you older guys might get that one), and it had 2 UFOs, Under Frequency Oscillators. By the way, the UFOs are used to get those scifi space ship sounds. It also had 4 filter types; one low pass filter, one band saw filter, one comb filter (selectable between fine and wide tooth) and one bristle filter. It was also duo-triphonic. That meant that you could play 3 notes with one hand and 3 notes with the other. The sad thing was that if you tried to play 5 notes with one hand it wouldn't make a sound, but then, that's how all synths were back in the day..."

I've known the guys we were playing cards with for years and they knew I was BSing. One said something like, "Didn't it also come with 4 motorized wheels to move it around because it weighed like around 650 Lbs?"

My cousin (whose from out of town) didn't have a clue that we were all talking s**t. Smiling from ear to ear he butts in with, "See? I told you he knows everything about that stuff. He even built his first Moog when he was in high school..."

We all got a laugh out of that last one. Thankfully the conversation went on to something else.

Now, before anyone starts to feel sorry for the guy, trust me, he's a total con-man (not very bright, but a con-man nonetheless). If he can't talk you out of something he'll find a way to steal it. That's why he's never set foot inside my studio.

Oh yeah, and I won a total $283.00. Not bad for a $1.00 ante "friendly" game.

[mharris80]

Another one: I bought an M1 back in November. I was telling a coworker of mine, who listens to all sorts of dance music, New Wave Revival, etc.., about it. She then asked me. "What's a synthesizer?"

[Gianni]

Today, local used synth shop:

-So, how much is that D-50?
-$1000
-And that M1?
-$700
-And that Triton Extreme 61?
-$2300
-Alright! Thanks! Bye!

[Primal Drive]

Today, local used synth shop:

-So, how much is that D-50?
-$1000
-And that M1?
-$700
-And that Triton Extreme 61?
-$2300
-Alright! Thanks! Bye!

It must be some kind of conspiracy. A local used shop here has an X5D with a broken key for $650.00.