"OK, that's GOTTA GO!"

[sequence]

this thread is starting to get a tad weird, yet entertaining. Im taking a space break from her for about 10 days of so, no contact whatsoever. Im less unsettled now, and intend to stand my ground. when I return in a week, we will have a talk. whether she was goofing on me or not, I will explain to her that music is my only real sacred cow, and that will not be slaughtered. I will also assure her that if we go on and actually become a couple down the road, nothing will change except that she will be consulted on major purchases (actually I have enough kit to keep me happy a lonnnggg time...)

Except for my music, hey she could pretty much run my life, I dont care. this girl is smart (forensic anthropologist), stunning, wit like a butterfly knife, an uber-fun gal to be with, likes to camp, and her N'strom habit is at least confined to Rack and sales and closeouts (I like to go to play their bg pianos but the f**k lock 'em up now)

IOW, I cant say no to this just yet. We just need to sit down after I get back and have a nice chat about needs dreams sacred cows and happiness and all that stuff. however, if she issues more ultimatums, well i'll just take my metaphoric red truck and do some dumpin'.

[shaft9000]

that woman deserve two things.. a bootprint on her a*s and a curb in her face. instantly.
the words "smart ,blonde, hottie and affinity for nordstroms" do not go together. you are only fooling yourself. she's as deep as a thomas kinkaide painting.
even afterwards when she begs you to forgive her (and she will, out of complete embarrasment, even a dumb blonde can figure this one out) just laugh in her face and tell her to bike on. she doesn't deserve for you to be nice to her after saying something like that.. h**l that's not just a deal breaker ,i'd kick that b***h out of my car in the middle of nowhere without even coming to a complete stop. and you can tell her i said so.
and no its not "things over people" it's called thinking with the head that has a brain in it! its called being a musician vs being a p***y whipped former musician.
DUMP HER NOW, this very instant.. change the locks on your door if she has a key and leave her s**t on her porch!!!!!
or you COULD be nice and just explain that your art means more to you than she could ever imagine, as evidenced by her attitude , and that she needs to see someone who suits her. but, judging by what you said she said i'd say she needs to be taken down a notch or two.
me, misogynist? no... it's just that i was there once.("do you really NEEED all that stuff?"). i got out of bed, put my pants on , went home and wrote her an email!!! and this chick may well have been the hottest chick i'll ever date..
but GAWDAMN that felt goooood. i left a man INSPIRED!!!!

She had no other outlet in life than to obsess about my business. So...she's gone.

Hold out for the right one, I say...

.. let her give some porsche salesman a f**k heart attack in 20 years; spare yourself.
.

:evil2:

[clusterchord]

if u want the relationship to work, problems and situations like this need to be cut at the root, from day one. i always let them unterstand, without so many words that music is my job/passion/life. i never mention this again. going any further is absoltuely pointless, as its not her fkn business anyway. no woman ever dared question the ammount of gear i have, nor did i waste time explaining why i need so much.

and as with everything else with females - once you start explaining yourself too much, you're screwed big time already. just be a man about it. never EVER ask permission for anything in regards to your passion. or about anyhitng else - its the road to h**l. if u endure, in the end, she'll like you and respect you better. otherwise youre sending her signal she can influence/play with your dreams/passions/whatever - they tend to lose interest if u r too servient and soft, anyway.

IMO that email was dumb idea. if u dont mind me say so. her response was to be expected. this way you're actually making it a bigger fuss than it really is. and perhaps showing an obsessive side of yourself. either simply say in her face what you wanna say, right on the spot. without beating round the bush. or slowly fade yourslef out for a while, less calls/meetings again without explaining ("everything is dandy") - youre throwing the ball in her courtyard - let her wiggle n start thinking what she might have screwed up. let her come to you.. best way. if she doesnt - you know what to do. go out with some cutie next door..

[jayman]

(grabs candles and lights them and worships at the clusterchord shrine)

[moogplayer]

clusterchord strikes the right chord here

man up and establish your ground rules on day one

[Huppo]

just be a man about it. never EVER ask permission for anything in regards to your passion. or about anyhitng else - its the road to h**l.

'zactly.

People who have been reading this forum for a couple years know it's one of my broken records..guys who let their wives..never mind their GFs... tell them what they can or can't do with money they've earned. I saw a few posts up where the guy was volunteering to consult with her in the future about major purchases! WTF?!?! It's pretty simple: either you are going to get what you want or you aren't. If it's your decision alone, you'll get it. If you 'consult' with her about it, you won't or it will cost you twice as much when you have to buy something for her to 'make things even'.

The sensitivos will sing that it's got something to do with respect of your partner's wishes. BS! How come your wishes are the ones that have to take the backseat? How about her respecting your wishes? Males who don't have the balls to stand up to greedy, controlling women are an embarrassment to the gender. If you made the money, YOU have say over it.

It doesn't have to be like some stupid caveman attitude where you just scream "I'll do whatever the h**l I want!" in her face, you just arrange your finances so there's always some money that can be used at your discretion, without having to get permission from your partner to use it and vice-versa. If you both work, you both contribute to a central fund that takes care of your mutual needs and you both keep some money aside for yourself. If only one of you works..you have three parts of the budget: the central fund over which both have a say and equal separate funds over which the other person has no say. A woman who demands to have say over 100% of the money coming into the house is a greedy control freak, plain and simple. If she's not satisfied with having an equal amount of discretionary funds and an equal say over mutual expenditures, there's nothing positive at work, there.

If someone you haven't even set up housekeeping with is trying to tell you how you can spend your money..you really should tell them to take a hike. It's none of their business. Anyone with that attitude is not going to become more tolerant or considerate of your desires if you eventually marry them. You can look forward to being treated like a cash cow for the rest of your life. If you ever stop making money, you'll be tossed out like the trash because that's where your only value lies. The only way a man volunteers for that is if he's letting the little head do the thinking or he doesn't have the balls to make choices about his own life and needs a replacement for his mommy.

[moogplayer]

perhaps you should just print out this entire thread and give it to her

[shaft9000]

perhaps you should just print out this entire thread and give it to her

nah... it would just feed her ego.

actions are always louder than words (unless yer tied down)
-- ---------------

HUPPO: wise words there.

[Max Websta]

I must be the luckiest guy on here. My girl love all of my gear. In fact she encourages me to buy cool vintage synths ! I just purchased a Jupiter 8 and received my first, this is your last synth for the year from her. I think it's fair considering what I already have

[Vxster]

I got my MPCs and my JX-3P off mine as gifts.

[sequence]

Just a final follow-up: we sat down and had a nice chit chat. I explained that music is my sacred cow that cannot be compromised, she said she had no intentions to do so, only that all the equipment shocked her. She apologized for making the "gotta go" statement as something "not well thought out" in a "crabby-a*s mood" and hoped that all was forgiven. And it is.

And to make matters even better, I had mentioned to her that i wanted to get a viola bow so I can play being ambient Jimmy Page on my Rics, and guess what? I get back, and there are two of them from her as gifts. "I really want to hear what that sounds like, esp thru delay and chorus like U were talking," was her note in the card. Wow, she listened!!

So thanks you guys, altho I thought some of the advice was too drastic, all of it was welcomed. May all of you find that partner that is 100% cool with your passion. cheers, 'quence

PS she thought the red dump truck story was the most "creative piece of literary saracasm" she'd ever read.

[Andy_X69]

She actually LISTENED when you talked about your music?

Oh my god thats totally amazing... Im in shock!

[hey_timj]

She actually LISTENED when you talked about your music?

Oh my god thats totally amazing... Im in shock!

i dunno.... listening to people talk about their esoteric interests can be pretty boring. ever met someone who's really into auditing policies? ugh. i have.

[carbon111]

Get some rosin for those bows. Pretty useless without

[WDW]

Glad to hear that it was a miscommunication and that you were able to talk things through.

WD